A Little Honesty and a Lot of Pain

This time of year should be full of adventures, sleeping in, and late night s'mores. 

Instead, like millions of other mothers, I am sitting in a quiet house (while Rome and Linc are napping at least). 

Lonely. 

Of course, I know that the kids need to spend time with their father. It's crucial. 

I do not ague that fact. 

Though, I admit I get resentful. 

I can't help but think that I did all of that hard work during the school year, why do I get screwed during the "fun time"?

I do the every day shuffle to and from school, sports, friend's houses, supply getting. I do the late nights of homework help and the early morning wake up call. I volunteer in their classrooms, I help with fundraisers, I fight for their IEPs. 

I do all of this and more. 

But when it comes time to have fun and relax with no schedules, suddenly I am alone. 

These are selfish thoughts, of course. I push every single one aside and hope so hard that the kids are having the best time ever with their dad, I encourage them when they are feeling homesick, and I listen eagerly to their adventures.

And I don't think people understand. Just because I am having an unwanted "break" from the chaos does not mean I like it. 

I have also been on the receiving end of comments like "Must be nice to relax!", "Are you enjoying your vacation?", or "Are you loving the quiet?"

No. I am not. 

I miss Brody, Zach, Wyatt, and Maddie so much it hurts. 

I wake up sad that they didn't wake me up with their morning snuggles

. 

My heart drops when I see their empty rooms, with the beds still made. 

I tear up as their dirty laundry depletes with each load I do. 

And, at night, I comfort Roman as he cries that he misses his buddies. 

Co-parenting is hard.