Teenage Motherhood

As much as society seems to glamorize and exploit being a teenage mother, I see very few representations of what teenage mothers actually go through. I'm talking about in real life, beyond the small screen of reality shows and big fat paychecks for showing a complete shitshow every week.


And while my age doesn't define if I can be a good mother or not, it does provide some limitations.





As I enter my tenth year of being a mother, I can't help but look back on where I started: a 16 year old child who rushed into adulthood.

I got pregnant in January of 2005, a sophomore in high school. I was a rebellious, headstrong, somewhat naiive, shithead, but one who also placed much importance on school. Basically, I was a "party girl" with straight A's. When that pink line popped up on the pregnancy test, I knew things were about to get fucking complicated.

My parents kicked me out of their house. I lost many friends. I suddenly had to come up with a way to survive, in addition to caring for the little one growing inside of me. What did I know about health insurance and rental agreements? Or what to do during labor or when to call the doctor? Nothing.

I swallowed my pride and signed up for public assistance. I was granted a small apartment, health coverage, and a food allotment. Living in public housing was a bit freaky - lots of druggies, lots of parties, and lots of shady goings on happened at night, but I had no other options. My feelings no longer mattered, taking care of this baby was paramount. I stayed in my apartment and didn't leave after dark, and I had zero incidents in the two years I lived there. I filed emancipation papers and was granted it without issue. Thankfully, with the essentials covered, I could continue with school and working as much as I could before the baby was due.

School was a nightmare. Constant stares, constant whispers, no friends. And that yearning I had to just be a normal teenager again. To care about nothing more than grades, boys, and what clothes to wear. But I had made my choices and had to live with them.

Most of my teachers saw how hard I was working and allowed me to have make up work, extra credit, and the like. I had a few teachers and a vice principle that made my time at school doable. I also had one specific teacher who loved to publicly shame me.

It goes without saying that being 16 years old and going through your first pregnancy is tough as hell. Number one, I was a child myself, unprepared for the pain and discomfort of pregnancy. Every pain and twinge scared me. Was the baby okay? How would I know when to go to the hospital? Why does everything hurt? And why is everything in pregnancy so nasty? WHY. Needless to say, I spent a lot of that pregnancy visiting the doctor's office. I was lucky enough to have a great doctor, who guided me through some big decisions.

I was still not on speaking terms with my parents, they had kicked me out so I shut off all communication with them out of hurt. Do not be mistaken, they do not shoulder all of the blame, I myself have no idea what I would do with a rebellious teenager either. But with my childhood left behind, I had adult problems on my plate that no teenager is equipped to handle.

As I waded through the pregnancy alone and without support, I tried to prepare myself for the impending delivery day. Back then, internet research was not as popular as it is today. I read every book on labor, delivery, and caring for a newborn that I could, yet still felt anxiety welling up in me on a daily basis. How could I care for a little human when I could barely care for myself?

But when I saw Brody for the first time, I knew I had never loved another person so fiercely before. He was all that mattered and I was going to do everything in my power to keep this tiny, perfect baby happy and healthy.

I struggled and depended on public assistance for two years. I worked two jobs, usually bringing Brody with me, while trying to finish high school. Life was a constant battle of every priority fighting for top billing - baby, homework, work. My high school had no programs in place at the time to assist teenage mothers, but they were understanding and helpful in general. Although, I had some moments of public shaming brought on by one particular teacher who said that I deserved no different treatment because of my own "poor decisions." I had to bring Brody to more than one test, which was distracting, not to mention embarrassing because of all the stares. No one my age understood what I was going through, so having friends was difficult. The stares weren't limited to the classroom, they followed me everywhere I went.

I fought against being a statistic, maybe too much. I finished high school, I finished college, but I married when I shouldn't have and I could have avoided some very hard times in my life.

So now, a decade later, what did I learn from being a teenage mother?

First and foremost, you think you're grown up when you're that age, but you are NOT. Your brain is not fully developed and you make poor decisions.

Do I wish I did things differently? Yes. If I had not been a teenage mother, I wouldn't have made several other poor decisions, including, but not limited to, marrying much too young and going through a very messy divorce a few short years later.

Was I a bad mother? No, I don't think so. I did everything with Brody in mind, he was my priority. But I believe I would have been a better mother had I waited. I would have had more knowledge, more information, and would have made better decisions. For instance, I didn't know back then that extended rear facing was recommended. I just followed the directions on the car seat and forward faced Brody at one year and 20 pounds. I cringe at the thought now and thank God we didn't get into any car accidents.

Do I regret it? NO. N.O. Nooooo. Not at all. For the most important and obvious reason of not having Brody, but also because becoming a mother brought me away from the disastrous path I was on. He saved me from myself.


I would never want any of my children to go through being a teenage parent. I hope I can instill better awareness through telling of my own experience. I want them to be able to truly be young and explore their own limits, without the responsibility of a baby.

My life turned out nothing like I imagined. There has been hard times, heartbreak, impossible hurdles. I have divorced, I have felt my children's pain as we became two separate families. But we are at a place now, through growth and love, that is better than anything I could have imagined.

I am so happy life took me here.