Stay-at-Home Mom

Photo above is of Zach being mad, Maddie taking the 100000000th picture today, Brody playing with Roman against his will, and you can barely see Wyatt off to the left, completely ignoring the fray. In my absolutely destroyed living room. Yes, it's 11am. Yes, we are all still in our pajamas.

Welcome to the world of being a stay at home mom! 

You may have dreamt that you would be delighting in playing with your children, luxuriating while they napped, fixing them gourmet lunches and snacks, and relaxing as soon as they go to bed. 

Did that work out as you imagined? 

Nope. 

You will have days with half your makeup done, no shower, and sweatpants. 

You will work your ass off all day long, only to find the house and yourself completely disheveled by the time your husband comes home and asks "What did you do today?"

You will have good intentions of socializing when you take your kids out for a playdate, only to end up crying in the car on the way home because you are thoroughly embarrassed of their asshole behavior. 

You might try to get some errands done, and instead end up leaving the store in shame after your child knocks over a display and screams at the top of their lungs. 

A few facts of being a stay-at-home mom....

1. Kids are annoying. 

After they ask you the same question for the 1000th time or ask you where and when you purchased every single item in your house (Zachary), you very well might want to rip your hair out. They might spill their milk for the 5th time that day or refuse to eat their lunch, only to eat your lunch when you leave the table to change the baby's diaper (Maddison). The only way to combat this is to be prepared. Give the kid that questions everything a "mission" - have him search the house for every single blue item and write it down. 

2. You need to do something for yourself.

LEAVE THE HOUSE. Do not go do something for the kids - no errands or grocery shopping. Do something for you. Pick a hobby that isn't kid related, go shopping, get your nails done. All moms need this, whether working or not. You need you time. You are an individual woman, as well as a mother, not the other way around. 

3. You will be exhausted.

You might have had a cold, a cough, then a stomach bug, with no break and still somehow have to find a way to keep small humans alive. You will be up all night nursing, only to have another of your children wake up, bright eyed and bushy tailed, at 4:30 am. You will spend your evening helping with a science project that takes a disastrous turn and makes a terrible mess in the kitchen. The longing for sleep is so intense that you day dream about it from the second you wake up. 

4. Your husband might have no idea.

He will be at work, with adults, all day. No one will ask him to wipe their butt (I hope), no one will sneeze all over his face, no one's diaper will explode on his only pair of clean pants. Sometimes, husbands just don't get it. I hope for your sake, that you are incapacitated and he has to stay home and do your duties at some point. Then he might get a brief glimpse into your life. 

5. Your friends might have no idea.

Although I hope you have friends who are also stay at home moms. 

6. Your family might have no idea.

Because somehow, the older generation did everything "so much better."

(insert eyeroll here)

7. No one has any idea because being run by little hooligans is hard.

The kids command your attention all day, everyday. It is hard. 

8. You might be covered in spit up and poop and never finish a full meal but it will be something you look back on and miss. You will miss their tiny hands and those moments they fell asleep on your chest. You will miss the way they used to say "mommy" and come running to you. 

This post may seem a little negative. It's not. It's just realistic. No these things do not happen every day, or even that often. Do I have crappy days? Yes, of course. Luckily, they are far outweighed by the good days. Stay-at-home moms are often silenced by people who urge them to "treasure the moments" or to "be grateful". This goes without saying, so I do not understand the need to tell any mother this. We are all grateful for our children's good health, the ability to stay home with them, and being able to witness their every growing moment. That does not negate the difficult and exhausting trials of motherhood. It is fucking hard. You will cry, a lot. You have the hardest job in the world. Yet it is also the most rewarding. 

The best advice I can give you is give yourself a break and BE PRESENT. 

These may seem conflicting, let me explain...

You need to make time for you and not feel guilty about the dishes that are undone or the clothes that are unwashed. 

You need to sit down and pay your bills without feeling guilty that you turned away a chance to play with your kid. 

Adult things matter and you do not need to cater to your child's every whim. 

But

Make the time to get on the floor and play. Make the time to play cars, play dolls, play caterpillars, all wrapped up in blankets. Even on those days where you are so busy and crazy and at the end of your rope, make the time. It doesn't have to be hours, it can simply be 20 minutes where all you do it focus on your child. Do not be so stressed about everything you have to do that you can't put it out of your mind to enjoy a few moments with your kiddo.

Also, if you are just starting out being a stay-at-home mom, don't lose hope. You get in your groove and you find a routine that makes life infinitely easier. You will still have those days but you won't be losing your shit on a daily basis. 

Have a good day mamas!