Divorce Made Me a Better Mother

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Seems a little counter intuitive to think that divorce made me a better mother, doesn't it?

I wasn't a bad mother, but I wasn't the mother I could be. 

I wasn't the mother I am today. 

Getting pregnant at 16 years old was the starting point. 

After having a child so young,  I decided that I wasn't going to be a statistic. I didn't want to be one of "those girls" who gets pregnant young and goes on to have several children with several different men, I didn't want a split family, and I wanted to be happy. 

Unfortunately, I stayed when I shouldn't have. 

My stubbornness made me stay, my resolve to "prove people wrong" made me stay, and my stupidity made me stay. I was in denial. Told myself that I was happy, that everything was perfect, and that nothing was ever wrong. 

I portrayed this image to the world: friends, family, everyone. 

I didn't want to admit what I knew my marriage had become. 

The secret was hidden behind my forced smile, in the solitary confinement of my home. 

I was depressed. I couldn't find the energy to clean, cook, or do anything outside of my charade of "happiness". 

I didn't nurture and play with my kids as much as I should have. I didn't engage with them as I should have. I regret so much. 

Don't get me wrong, I did not neglect them. I was still caring for them, their needs, their hunger, their diapers. But I was but a shell of the person I should have been.

After escaping my tumultuous marriage, and my hell of a divorce, I was truly able to be happy. 

It was almost like a light was switched on and I could see my children clearly for the first time. These amazing little humans that I was responsible for! Since that day, I have not been perfect by any means. But I feel alive and happy, and I pass it on to them with the attention and play they need. 

My point in telling you this is to remind you never to settle, never to accept a life you don't love, and to always stay true to what makes you happy.