My Man Crush & Marriage Counseling

Ah marriage counseling. 

Such a taboo subject, but I truly believe it's made THE impact in our lives. 

People tend to believe that you only get marriage counseling if you're a failure, or you're currently failing, or if you have major issues. 

This is not the case. 

Look at marriage counseling as a preventative measure or an educational opportunity. 

Before we started marriage counseling, my general idea of it was something like the 

Mr. & Mrs. Smith version - a couple sits there and bickers while a therapist asks you how you feel. 

I was so wrong, and gladly so. 

We started marriage counseling to learn how to communicate. 

When you marry someone with PTSD and a trauma history, communication can be difficult. Not to mention, trying to really know someone who is essentially closed off. 

I am in personal therapy as well. It's helped in so many ways. The process is what I would describe as having your soul locked in a box, a box with hundreds of doors, each with their own lock and key, and you have to locate the exact key on a key ring with thousands of keys.  

That is the difficulty of therapy and working on yourself. 

Honestly, I would much rather not do it. I am an avoider. 

But I want Ryan to know me and so I want to do. 

I know it's frustrating for Ryan to find the right way to connect to me. 

Anyway, back to marriage counseling. 

I cannot CANNOT even begin to explain the difference this has made for us. 

We found an amazing counselor who is very down to earth, calls us on our shit, and helps us understand things in ways I would never have thought possible. 

Let me tell you a little secret: it's all about validation. 

If you start marriage counseling and they don't mention this in the very first meeting, find a new counselor. 

Your job as a spouse is to make sure your partner feels heard, feels important, and have their feelings accepted. Make yourself vulnerable to your spouse, that is the only way to have true intimacy. 

I am no expert here, but those are the key points that have made a monumental difference for me. 

I think everyone should have marriage counseling, get the education of communication and how to validate. I promise you, you won't regret it.